Today I thought I'd do something a little different. I've been reviewing games that I personally liked, figured I should do one that I....well.....dislike.
Today I take aim at....
Gears of War
Yes, I know this game has been out for a while, yes I realize it's almost a retro review, but to be honest, with the THIRD one that's been announced, I feel I have to make my peace.
I can already hear the crowd preparing the tar, feathers, and various sharp implements to disembowel me, but I need to put my oppinion out there.
Gears of War is the latest franchise from classic game company Epic Games. Never heard of them? Well they made this little game, it's kind of popular, I believe it was called Unreal. Yes that's right kiddies, Unreal...I'm reaching way back here. Not familiar with the name? Well then you my friend are missing out.
I could go on about Unreal, and it's eventual decline into mediocrity, but that's a discussion for another day. I'm here to talk about Gears of War......and I really wish I hadn't decided to review this mess.
Ok, so mess is a little harsh. Lemme start with the story....or as much as I was able to figure out. The world of "Insert Wartorn Planet Name Here," as far as I know they never say what planet you're on, it could be earth, or it could be some distant planet halfway across the universe. Anyway, it's been attacked from underground, by a race only known as the Locust......no not the bugs. From what little story elements I've been able to gather from the first and second games, they don't like the humans because their skin is smooth instead of scaley......I did a little research, and to paraphrase Spoony, by research I spent five seconds and looked it up on wikipedia.
One of the Locust, pretty isn't he?
From what I gathered of the story there's this stuff called Immulsion, and humans want it to power their stuff. Locusts don't like humans, so they started to wage war on humans to stop them.......I'm seeing a parallel to just about every anti-war movie made. In short, it's nothing you need to worry about, and just blast away at the baddies.
The game revolves around Marcus Fenix, why they spelled it like that is beyond me, though to quote Linkara "because poor literacy is Kewl", and Delta Squad. Apparently Marcus got thrown in prison for abandoning his post for trying to save his Father. This little tidbit serves no purpose for the rest of the "story" and is basically useless. He gets reinstated into the Military, because they apparently can't do it without him........because you know how it is. The military is clearly inept untill one guy comes along and gets it all done by himself. Anyway, you'll soon be thrust into the gameplay....well....you'll be looking at chest high walls thought out the game.
Marcus Fenix (middle) and Delta Squad.....I feel safer already.........
Seriously, that's what the game consists of, you running around with your AI squad mates and pushing yourselves up against chest high walls. Now that's not to say that I don't like the cover feature in videogame. If it's well done, and you don't have to rely on it all the flippin time. In Gears, unless you're behind the wall, you're hamburger. While this adds to realisim, I can't stand it. I feel like I might as well just set my controller down and play with dirt. This is a petty gripe sure, but damn, I hate not being able to stand up and fight against the enemy. It also doesn't help that your team are nothing but a bunch of morons. They'll run blindly into the path of enemy fire, then scream at you when you don't come and save them.
Oh goody......another chest high wall......
The visuals are stunning.......if you like to look at the same grey stone color over and over again. Unreal had set a benchmark for stunning visuals, the world you explored felt alive and looked that way....grant it that was 98 and now it doesn't hold up as well with the current games. Gears on the other hand....well it looks like they went hog wild with grey. I do have to admit that while it all looks good, you're pretty much locked into looking at grey stone for every mission.
Unreal set a benchmark in visuals
Clearly, we're moving in the opposite direction.
I've noticed this trend in shooters lately. It seems that all shooters now have the same color pallets. Grey, brown and the occasional black. What happened to visuals? What happened to game developers sucking us into a world that seemed vibrant and alive? It seems that all of them now are set in post apocalyptic "insert world name here", and all have the dull grey color scheme.
Anyway, back on track here. the controls are decent enough. They're tight enough to do what you want them to do. There's really not much to say here. They're your standard shooter controls, the left trigger fires your gun, and "A" sprints.......pretty basic. There's some other things you can do with them, but in all honesty, I don't remember them. I played this game back when it came out, and thankfully blocked alot of it out. The only way I managed to finish it, is because I forced myself so I could write a review of it at some point.
I'll be honest here, in my oppinon, it's not worth your time. Epic dropped the ball here. They had a chance to make the next Unreal, and instead.....well we can see the results. The story is bland and boring. The graphics are great, if you like looking at stone the whole time. The contols do what they're supposed to do, while this is a good thing......it's still not enough to save this.
If you have to play this game, rent it before you buy it. Don't buy into the hype. It's another subpar shooter, in an ever increasing subpar genre.
Vangle
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